From "The Best Blog Ever"...to the worst blog ever

Here is a site that should be totally banned:

www.barrynet.com/

This is Barry Manilow's webpage. Ok, not a blog. But so sick and disgusting, it is controversial, and controvery needs to be discussed. However, when it comes to Barry Manilow, there is only one opinion that is inarguably correct 100% of the time - evil.

My 9th grade Math teacher taught me two things: 1) Algebra, and 2) Barry Manilow is the worst thing since sliced bread. He is definitely evil. You can tell by the fact that when you look on his website, he totally looks possessed. From his pictures, I can see that he looks like a demon took him over. There is a legend that who we know as Adolf Hitler was not really Adolf Hitler, but some demon who possessed him in one of his drug induced states while he was practicing black magic in Vienna circa 1907 (hey - I am not making this stuff up! You might not believe the legend, but there is no dispute that the legend itself exists). So maybe the Adolf demon possessed Barry?

20 years ago, there was a study of two cats, with headphons on, listening to music. One was listening to Motley Crue (ok, an embarassment in itself). The other was listening to Barry Manilow. After 48 hours, the cat listening to Barry Manilow was screaming "Kiss the Devil! Kiss the Devil!" or something like that. There is indisputable proof that this experiment took place, for it was in the comic strip "Bloom County." (I have all those books, and maybe someday will scan it in).

Recently, Barry Manilow topped the charts in the UK. And people think we should be more like Europe. This is the sole argument why we should not be like Europe.

One summer, I took over a paper route for a friend. I also had swim practice every day, too. So my mother had to drag me to get the paper route done on time (and I would much rather have not had her along and done it myself!!!). She had to have her nefarious "easy listening" station on, at that time, KOMO AM 1000 (hence vastly improved as a news format - actually, any format would be a vast improvement over this crap). I had to listen to this garbage - and half the station seemed to be Barry Manilow tunes. This was by far my worst summer ever.

Barry Manilow is about 60 years old. That means it will not be much longer when he will be in hell. The level that was too low for Dante to describe. The level containing Lawrence Welk, and will also some day contain Jon Bon Jovi.

Grade: F